Prepare the next conversation, session or decision.
Work through these 10 steps and choose the actions relevant to your situation. The pitfalls are illustrative examples, not customer quotations. Use the checklist on screen or print it for your preparation.
Define the purpose
Illustrative pitfall
“The conversation was an opportunity to vent rather than resolve an issue.”
- State the change or understanding you need.
- Keep the purpose relevant to the working relationship.
- Check whether another process or responsible person must be involved.
Gather specific evidence
Illustrative pitfall
“Always and never replaced examples the person could discuss.”
- Identify observable actions and their context.
- Separate facts from interpretations.
- Choose a small number of relevant examples.
Check your assumptions
Illustrative pitfall
“We treated an inferred motive as an established fact.”
- List what you do not yet know.
- Consider plausible alternative explanations.
- Prepare to revise your interpretation.
Choose the setting
Illustrative pitfall
“A sensitive issue was raised in front of the whole team.”
- Arrange a private, appropriate channel.
- Allow enough time for a two-way discussion.
- Check any participation or support needs.
Prepare a clear opening
Illustrative pitfall
“The introduction was so vague that the issue never became clear.”
- Describe the situation and observed behaviour.
- Explain its effect without attacking the person.
- State that you want to understand their perspective.
Listen before solving
Illustrative pitfall
“The action plan was ready before the other person spoke.”
- Ask an open question about their view.
- Let them explain without repeated interruption.
- Summarise what you heard and check it.
Stay with the issue
Illustrative pitfall
“One concern turned into a list of everything that had ever gone wrong.”
- Return to the agreed purpose when needed.
- Distinguish new relevant information from unrelated grievances.
- Pause if the discussion cannot remain constructive.
Explore a workable change
Illustrative pitfall
“The proposed solution ignored a genuine constraint.”
- Ask what would help the work improve.
- Discuss responsibilities and available support.
- Check the change is within both parties' authority.
Agree specific actions
Illustrative pitfall
“Be more professional was the only instruction.”
- Describe the behaviour or action required.
- Agree who does what and by when.
- Check both parties understand the agreement.
Review fairly
Illustrative pitfall
“The next meeting began as if no agreement had been made.”
- Record the essential actions appropriately.
- Review progress using relevant observations.
- Acknowledge improvement and address remaining gaps.
Put it to work
Turn the checklist into focused practice.
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